Trust you are keeping safe and you are doing great. I know I have been on an unintentional sabbatical (lol) but I am back and I am dedicated to putting up new podcast episodes once in two weeks.
I am aware that this started as a blog and I intend to share the written version of the podcasts (at least the much that I can share) for those who would prefer to read rather than listen but I have a good voice if I do say so myself (lol). Anyway I am back and I am grateful for your audience.
Today’s episode is titled ‘Dear Future Husband Part 3’
All the Dear FH 3 enthusiasts I kept to my word, don’t air me
This episode is a curation of daily letters to FH, it details my experiences, fears, thoughts and growth process. A bit mushy here and there but they are a part of me that I am comfortable sharing with you all. I hope that you can pick one or two lessons from this episode.
So I will be sharing some of the letters next and then you can click the link below to listen to the entire episode
I hate having hard conversations face to face, you know those conversations that require you to sit down and trash things out, they are so difficult for me.
I don’t sweep things under the carpet, na if you offend me or do something, I am sure to tell you but I find that it’s easier for me to get my phone out and type an epistle explaining how I feel or even send a Voice note than for me to sit face to face and talk about it.
You know what’s funny, I get jittery after sending the message and the person is typing up a response, I feel like the person is going to say something I wouldn’t like, or it would quickly escalate into a big issue.
I don’t even know why I am sharing this with you, I guess it’s because I need to learn how to talk, to express my feelings better, to not hide behind my phone.
I pray you are not like me in this regard.
Babe I am getting good at this discipline thing, I am going to be putting it to play in other areas of my life.
Whether I am tired or not I am going to drop a note to Abba and to you everyday. I pray I stick to it.
You know I love you so much, sending you hugs, kisses, light and love.
Most of the things I share with you are things I learn from my devotionals or are happening to me, this is the first time I am seeing something on IG and I want to share it with you.
It’s from lettersbyferan. It goes
‘Your life is not an audition for love, your worth does not depend on the embrace of another.’
And she put in the caption STOP PERFORMING.
FH, this one hit me hard because subconsciously I have been waiting for a relationship that would lead to marriage, not that marriage isn’t something to aspire to but it has colored my outlook on life, I have judged myself on the perception of others, my worth on the love others had for me. For the most of my adult life I have been auditioning for love, needing a relationship to validate my existence. It’s of recent that I finally acknowledged to myself that I am such a needy person, insecure in my own identity, depending on others for my self-worth and letting their perception of me be the mirror through which I saw myself.
And this is why no matter how much God said he loved me, I still lived for the adulation of men. It mattered to me that the people I loved love me back and when it didn’t happen, I would shrug it off because on a logical level I understood but now I see that because I didn’t deal with the emotions as they occurred, I became more needy and dependent on the validation and these has led to wrong choices, to compromises so that I could be loved and accepted.
FH, these past weeks has been so stressful and revealing. I am unraveling layers of my life hidden behind the facade of being so strong.
Everyday, I see how much needs to be done.
I love you FH.
Everything today seems to be centered on not falling into the trap of comparison.
God knows why he placed me where I am, so I am expected to thrive there.
Sometimes difficulties can be caused by us taking wrong decisions, but God is always aware and there is no need to compare my story with another person’s story.
God has a plan and I need to trust it.
I love you FH, you know that already.
I really don’t have anything to say to you today but I am thankful that I write these letters to you even though you can’t see them yet.
I am learning a lot FH and growing in Abba as well.
I know I have to face a lot of my fears and throw off a lot of laziness and I will do it by Abba’s grace.
Hope you are doing well and missing me of course.
I can’t wait to see you FH, I love you.
Click the link below to listen to the rest and don’t forget to share
You can also listen to all the other episodes, just search for Hangout with Chels on all your podcast listening apps.
Don’t forget that Abba loves you so much ❤️❤️❤️